Funny Bone : lawyer jokes

Why do blondes always drink with straws?
Practice.

Three blondes walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted.
She replied "I’ll have a bl." He thought a moment and then asked her
"What’s a bl?" She replied, "Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite."
He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied "Make mine
a ml." He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or
something, and said, "OK, what’s a ml?" She replied, "Well, duh, it’s a
Miller Lite."
He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied "I’ll
have a 15." He said, "Ok, bl is Bud Lite, and ml is Miller Lite, but I have
never heard of a 15. What is it?" She said, "Well, duh, it’s a 7-7."

There was a man and a blonde woman who were both mentally ill. They
were walking around the swimming pool at the institution. The man fell
in, and the woman went in to save him. The next day, a social worker
called the woman into his office. He said that he had good news and
bad news. The good news was that they may let her out because she
had enough sense to save the guy. The bad news was that they found
the man hung up, dead, in his closet. The woman said, "Well, I had
to hang him up to dry. Can I leave, now?"

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them
decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?
Blonde: No, it’s working fine.
Operator: Then what’s the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and
hurt ourselves.

Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb(usual) blonde are
walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
None of them, first three don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought
it was a gum wrapper.

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing
poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind
them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I’d
like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don’t have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren’t fishing. We all
have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the
bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were
magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it,"
said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing
hysterically. "What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the
other two, "doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were
running along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three
gunnysacks. They could hear the cops approaching, so the brunette
suggested that they get in the sacks. So they got in the sacks right
before the cops arrived. A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it,
and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it’s only a dog." He
kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow."
He said, "Oh, it’s only a cat." Then, he kicked the one with the
blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That’s okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Why did God give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn’t want them pooping in the streets during parades.

What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a
dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.