Funny Bone : lawyer jokes

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

    "You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

    "I can’t take this, you’re my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

    "No. A bet’s a bet."

Then the redhead said

    "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money."

The blonde replied

    "Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

    "For best results, put on two coats".

Two blonds were roofing a house. One would pull out a nail and then
hammer it into the roof. Then he would pull out another nail, look
at it, then throw it over his shoulder. Blond two eventually saw what
blond one was doing, watched him a while and then said, "Why do you keep
throwing out every other nail?" The first blond replied, "Because their
point is on the wrong end." The second blond then said, "You airhead,
those nails are for the other side of the roof!"

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling
it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem
to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There
is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal."
"That doesn’t matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns
a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your
car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one
month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown
off. "How did this happen?" The doctor asked. "I was trying to commit
suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
finger?" "Well, I put the gun in my ear and I thought it was going to make
a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

A policeman pulled a blond over after he’d been driving the wrong
way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blond: No, but whatever it is, it must be bad since everyone’s leaving.

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.

A blonde’s house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the
country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic.
The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get
to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she
decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd
of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take
one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked
at the herd for a second and then replied "382." "Wow." Said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take
home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you." "What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"